Ali Siddiq - Prison Riot - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored (2023)

Introduction

Ali Siddiq finds himself in a tough spot when he realizes that he's completely unprepared for an impending prison riot.

Video

No matter what, you stick with your race.

I, don't know, why I can't have a Mexican friend.

He's in my cell, I, don't know what the fuck is going on, but Mexicans got on boots and I gotta figure out what I'm supposed to do now., Thank, you, everybody., On.

This show, here's, what happens, it's just a bunch of comics telling true stories and thatís, all it is.

Tonight it's.

All about fights.

Please, give it up for Ali.

Siddiq, everybody., Let him, hear it.

My story is about prison, danger., Seen.

It all, looks so menacing.

You know?, And, I'm black.

So we know it's going to be about crime.

Let me tell you, prison is an odd place because you do not know the rules.

No matter how many prison movies you watched and documentaries of Locked Up.

You still don't know, the rules of what's gonna happen.

So I'm on my way to what they called "necessities".

Necessities is where.

You know, your clothes, your get your laundry and all that bullshit.

So I'm walking to Necessities and a dude, just walks by and say, "Mexicans got on boots.", I'm, like, "What.

The fuck does that mean?" 'cause it's like I've been in prison like the first day, whatchu, mean, "Mexicans got on boots?" Everybody got on fucking boots.

So I, thought., Dude, walk past.

"Mexicans got on boots, Mexicans got on boots." So I, tell somebody else, "Mexicans got on boots.".

Dude looks down.

"Mexicans do got on boots" and just takes off running.

I'm, like, "Was, I supposed to run 'cause.

The Mexicans have on boots?" So I asked the old dude, I, said, "Hey, Mexicans got on boots.", He's, saying, "Alright.

They got on boots.", I, said, "What that mean?" He said, "it's gonna be a riot." I said, "You, pretty calm about a riot." I said, "How.

You know, Mexicans got on boots mean, it's gonna have a riot." He, said, "Because, Mexicans, don't wear boots on the wreck yard.", I, said, "Oh, okay.

What they wear on the wreck yard?" He, said, "Sneakers.

They play handball all the time." And.

Then you look and you see Mexicans over there playing handball, but they got on boots.

So, I'm, like, 'cause.

It still don't.

Comprehend.

So get back to my cell I was like, "Hey," to my celly, I, said, "You, Mexican., What, Mexicans got on boots.

Mean?", He, said, "It means we gonna riot, we gonna stab a couple of black guys, up." And, I, asked.., When, you're in prison.

You asked dumbass, questions, I'm, like, "Does.

The riot happen in here? Like in this cell? 'cause me.

And you just finished eating together, what're.

You mad at me, about?, I, don't, know.

But.

When you learn that you stick with your race in prison, no matter what, you stick with your race.

I, don't know, why I can't have a Mexican friend.

He's in my cell, I, don't know what the fuck is going on, but Mexicans got on boots and I gotta figure out what I'm supposed to do now., And, I, still, don't, know, I, gotta still ask people., Find, a black dude, I'm, like, "Yo.

So what I do now that Mexicans got on boots?" He, said, "You gotta find you a knife." I, said, "I gotta find a knife? You can't have no knife in prison.".

He.

Said, "You, just got here, huh?", I, said, "Yeah, I, just got here." He, said, "Man.

You gonna need to find a dude named Cece and get you a knife." It's.

3,000 people on this unit.

How.

The fuck I'm supposed to find Cece? I, don't, know., So, I'm, just walking around, "Mexicans got on boots.

Cece.

Mexicans got on boots, Cece.", Dude, say, "Hey.

You looking for Cece?" I, said, "Yeah." "You must need a knife." I, said, "Yeah.", He, said, "Why.

You need a knife?" I, said, "You, ain't, heard?", He, said, "Nah, I, ain't, heard shit I've been at work.

All day." "Mexicans got on boots.".

He.

Take off running.

I.

Take off running after him only because he never told me where Cece was.

I catch him.

He said, "Man, go on the wreck yard, Cece gonna be on the wreck yard." I'm, like, "I, don't want to go on the wreck yard, I just left the wreck yard, it's.

How I found out Mexicans had on boots." So I'm sitting on the wreck yard looking around for somebody who may look like a dude named Cece.

So, I'm, asking, I'm, looking, I'm, waiting, I'm, saying, "Somebody going to speak to Cece, got to.".

Dude, walk by, "What, up, Cece?", I, said, "Thatís who I'm looking forward, right? There.", I, see Cece, I nod.

He nods back., I, say, "Can, I, come over there?".

He, said, "Come, on, young blood.", I get over there.

I, said, "Hey, Cece, Mexicans got on boots.", He, said, "I, heard.", I, say, "I need a knife." He.

Said, "Well, come to my cell in a couple of minutes, I'll hook.

You up." I get to the cell.

I.

Say, "Cece, I need a knife." He said.., which shit turned different., He, said, "What type of knife?", I, don't know, I just fucking got here., He, said, "What type of knife.

You looking for?", I, said, "Something, sharp, something to poke a motherfucker with., I, don't, know." So.

He put up a towel and said, "Hold on.

Let me show you some knives." He put up a towel, went under his mattress, took some shit out, slipped, some shit back.

And now it's eight.

Knives in front of me., It's like I'm in fucking Macy's.

I'm, like, "Yo.", Like, "You know, what kind of knife you want?", I, said, "Well.

You know, what kind of knife I need for a riot?.

I ain't, never been in a riot.

Before." He, said, "Well.

You gonna need something you can stick multiple people.

And it break off.", I, said, "Is that right here on the thing?" He said, "No.

These are personal knives.

Whatchu want your knife made out of?", I, said, "There's, too.

Many fucking choices, man.

I, just need a knife to protect myself.".

He, said, "Well, god, damn it, listen to me, man.

Do.

You want it made out of wood, plastic, metal, or what?", I, say, "Cece, listen to me, I, don't know, because I've never been in a riot.

Before.

What's going to protect me?", He, said, "Fuck!, New ass, motherfucker.", Like, it's wrong to be just getting to prison, I don't want to be here from the beginning.

So calling me "new", don't mean, shit to me., So, I, said, "So, man.

What would you suggest?" He said, "I suggest something personal, like a pin top." Pin, top?, I, don't want a fucking pin top knife.

I want a real knife.

Something I can just get in there, with.

He, said, "No.

What you get with a pin top is a knife with a pin, but you push a nail through it.

And then you put the top on it and just have it in your pocket.

So we could walk around with it.".

I said, "That sounds, pretty cool.

Would that sustain with a riot?" He said, "No, that ain't riot.

Knives, that's, just personal walk around.".

I, said, "Motherfucker, I need a knife for the riot.

'cause Mexicans got on boots.", I, said, "Man.

How much is a personal knife going to cost me?" "Two bags of coffee, come back.

A little later on in the day." I said, "What.

If the riot jumps off before I get the knife?" He, said, "That, ainít, my business, that's on you.", I, said, "Cool, Cece.", So, I, wait three or four hours and I knew he was working on my knife because I was down the cell and I heard [inaudible] on the ground.

I said, "Yeah, my knife gonna be sharper than a motherfucker." Cause I'm hearing it, I'm hearing it., I'm, like, "Yeah, I, can't, wait.", And, I'm, practicing in my cell, how I'm gonna use my knife.

practicing my shit.

So.

Then this dude named Mitch say, "Hey, you getting your knife?" I, say, "Yeah, Cece, working on my knife.", He, said, "What kind of knife.

You get?" I, said, "What.

The fuck is all the knife questions?".

I.

Said, "I got me a nice, little knife, it's, long.

I can hit two.

Three, people.", He, said, "Man.

You need more than that.".

I.

Said, "What, I need now?".

He, said, "You need to know about how to fight in the riot." I said, "How.

You fight in the riot?" He said, "Mexicans got on boots.

This is the reason why they have on boots.

So.

They can kick you in this fucking shin while you're fighting.

Boots are made out of metal; it's, a metal tip boot.

So.

You got to do this.." This is Mitch.

This is in my cell teaching me how to be in a riot.

"Look.

First of all, when you get out there, stay close to the wall, 'cause motherfuckers gonna be trying to stab you.", I, said, "Thatís, pretty much what a riot.

Is.", So, he's, like.., I, got that part off the top, that's.

Why I'm getting the knife.

Okay.

So? He say, "Youíre going to have to do a rock and lean." I said, "What.

The fuck is a rock and lean?" "Mexicans gonna come out there, they're going to have their knives, you're going to have to have your shirt off with your knife.

And when you do this you're going to have to rock to see what foot the Mexican is gonna kick you with.", I said, "This is too much.

This is too much." It's like a fucked.

Choreographed, dance;, I, don't know what the fuck he's doing., So, I'm, waiting to get my knife, I'm in there, fake rocking, trying to see what foot gonna come up.

How.

They do that when you ain't, even in the fucking riot, yet, I, don't, know, but I'm out there practicing.

I, go back to Cece, I, say, "Yo, Cece, I gotta go to the wreck yard, shit.

Look like it's.

Gonna get live, I need my knife." He, said, "Man, I just sold your knife.", I, said, "Man.

What the fuck, Cece? You said, it was a personal knife for me;.

It cost two bags of coffee.

Why it's, not fucking personal.

No more?", He, said, "Man.

It was personal.

Then.

The dude came in with three bags of coffee.

And he made it business.".

I.

Said, "So.

You sold my knife?", He, said, "Yeah, sold your knife.", I, said, "The riot about to jump.

Off." "Hey, man, do what you can do." So, moral of the story.

How it end up, I fucking get cut cause I ain't had a fucking knife and I forgot the rock.

I'm out there rocking with no knife.

I've been practicing this shit for two hours., Rock., I'm, not getting kicked, but I'm, getting cut.

I.

Got cut down my side from a Mexican who didn't even have on boots.